Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Houston, we have a squirter
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
