Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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