its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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