I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Can I color on your dick again?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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