I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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