When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
