He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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