Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
