A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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