I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
