can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize