If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
