um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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