dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
