Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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