I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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