Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
