oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
