That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
