YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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