Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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