i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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