I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
