Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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