Whod you bang
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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