Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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