Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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