Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
