I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
