Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
