he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
