I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
