we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
