Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
