His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I looked at my own cervix.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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