remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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