shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
