he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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