I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
