anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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