is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
