I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
