I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
