I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
