Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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