My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
