Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Semen is not good for contacts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
