Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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