people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
