I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
