If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
