It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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