I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
