You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
