my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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