My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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