I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
