I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
