Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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