stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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