Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
