in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
