Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
