i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Green mimosas i think yes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
