So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
please don't ironically join a cult
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