if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
