Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
