I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize