shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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