they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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