What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
