I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
