i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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