you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize