I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
